It feels like pure GRACE to be able to say we are moving. And soon.
As in tomorrow.
The Lord has worked a series of events (that I would call miracles) to orchestrate us closing on a house this past Monday. I can hardly believe that what felt like a far away dream is happening.
But what doesn’t feel like a dream is being sick as of Tuesday.
As in the day after we bought our house.
The day I waited for came. But as soon as it was time to pack and do something other than wait and pray, I lacked the strength and energy to do anything. It has been incredibly frustrating to sit and rest and ask for help and pray, when all I want to be doing is cleaning and packing, organizing and sorting.
The last time we moved, I said good-bye well. I had closure with people in a way I hadn’t before. But it took time, and when the day came to move, I wasn’t as organized or packed as I wanted to be. I cried bitter tears the night before we moved when I realized I could stay up all night to finish or I could let people help me in the morning and see my mess. I wish I could say it was an easy decision, but it was a difficult one. In the end, I chose sleep and mess and people to help me.
We had plenty of help, and friends put my unfinished mess into boxes for me. Friends finished wiping counters and loading boxes. Friends loved me in the most tangible of ways and I am so grateful.
But it isn’t how I wanted it. I wanted to be more put together before people came. I wanted to be so much more ready, not vulnerable and messy, needing help.
It feels a little funny (and also frustrating) to be in a similar place again, when I hoped last time truly was the last time. But in the midst of my sniffles and annoyance, the Lord keeps reminding me of what true.
It is human to need help.
It is human to not have it all together.
It is human to be messy.
And it is brave to invite people into that.
It is brave to not pretend to have it all together.
It is brave to let people help you.
It is brave to let others care for you when you have nothing to give back.
It is brave to be weak and needy and to let others see.
It is brave to rest when you need it.
So, today, I’m fighting back against the sneezes and headache, and the voice that says that is weak and terrible to let people come over tomorrow to help us move.
The truth is that the Lord gave us this house and he didn’t give it to us for only our pleasure. A house is a tool to be used to love people. Tomorrow we are being loved. I hope we get to pour out with much love in the future.
But either way, I know that this is a house that belongs to Jesus. And it only seems fitting to give it a brave start by being others see us as human AND loved as we are.
Soli Deo Gloria.