the brave work of believing it for myself.

The other day I was scrolling through a few articles. I came upon this one for “Moms of Littles.”  As I read, there was all kinds of grace spoken to moms, as we approach the holidays.

Grace for being kind to yourself.

Grace for doing less.

Grace for being present.

Grace to forgo perfection and love our people.

There was a special note to pregnant women in the article, reminding those who find themselves pregnant this Christmas season to do something for themselves and that they are more than enough.

The thought that first floated through my head was, “Who do I know who is pregnant that needs to hear this? This is good stuff.”  Only seconds later, I had to laugh to myself, because I am the pregnant woman. Oh boy.

I’ll be 28 weeks pregnant this Christmas.

This isn’t just for someone else (although I do have several pregnant friends that I hope read it and believe it for themselves.)  This is for me too. I am the pregnant lady. 

I was humbled to finish the article and realize (yet again) how easy it is for me to believe truth for others, all the while being tremendously difficult to hold onto for my own heart.  So often Jesus uses the words I’ve spoken over others to come back to me, asking me if I believe them all the way. I said I believed this for someone else. But the true test is whether or not I believe it for me.

Do I trust that this truth is big enough for me?

Do I trust that I am loved and enough the way I do for someone else?

Will I call this brave for me, or just for others?

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Today, I’m fighting to believe truth for myself and calling it BRAVE.

I’m letting myself see myself, not merely against my own high expectations, but with grace.

I’m not letting myself be the exception. I am human too. And today I am a pregnant lady. It is okay to need more and to be able to do less in this season. This truth is for me, not just everyone else.

I’m asking for Jesus’ help with my unbelief, help to believe what is true.  I can write these things with confidence, but they have a hard path the long way from my head to my heart. Jesus, help me believe what is true.

And today what is true is that I am pregnant; that I have a small capacity; that I need help; that I don’t have much to offer.

But what is also true is that it is okay to be weak; that it is okay to be human; that it is okay to need help; that I am so very loved.

These verses have shown up on so many Christian throw pillows and bumper stickers to the point that they almost feel hard to receive for my heart. But today, they showed up again in a way that felt fresh and for me.  This is what is true and what I’m holding tight to, even when I forget that I’m the pregnant one.

Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up on wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:28-31, ESV

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One Comment Add yours

  1. Kristy Bentzley says:

    Thanks for that 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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